The L.A. County justice system at work.

Ordinarily, I don't give a shit about celebrities--especially celebrities like Paris Hilton. I judge celebrities the same as I just people I would or would not like to be my friend: on their personality, on their actions. I rarely make friends with 'party girls,' and sometimes, it chaps my ass that I have to see them all over TV instead of the real news.

I find, however, that this latest Paris Hilton story could contain a victory for us all.

You'd have to be living under a rock--or with no access to the media or with no people who have access to the media--not to know that Paris Hilton went to jail. She went to jail for violating probation twice on a 'reckless' (i.e., drunk) driving charge. Let me just stop and say that I've known people who were caught driving drunk and didn't get busted down to 'reckless' driving. Paris pleaded no contest, and she got 30 days' probation and a suspended license. She also was forced into alcohol education (did she have to actually go? I wonder) and fined $1500, which, I imagine, is the equivalent of the rest of us being fined $15. So far, the penalties haven't been very harsh--she can't drive, but she doesn't really work so that isn't a problem; she has to learn about what alcohol does to your body, which she probably needs; and she has to pay what is, for her, a pittance.

Nevertheless, she violated her probation. Twice. With her money, can't she just hire a driver?

So, in a remarkable decision by Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer, Paris had to go to jail for breaking the law. And in an unremarkable decision by L.A County Sherriff Lee Baca, she was released from jail, citing undisclosed 'medical reasons.' I rarely watch Fox News Channel, but every now and again, I turn on Hannity and Colmes for a laugh; I was actually interested in the show last night, because they had a 'panel' (of celebrities, but whatever) discussing Paris's fate. One said that a psychologist had visited Paris just before her release, and everyone was speculating that she may have be released due to depression. My fiancee and I had been speculating this too--Bobby said that he heard she wasn't eating or something, and I said that letting her go because she is depressed is fucking bullshit.

Which it is.

Nobody likes going to jail. Nobody. If they did, it wouldn't be jail, it would be a resort--a really cheap one. (No dust ruffle? What kind of place are you running here?) So yeah, expect Paris to get depressed. If she stops eating, give her a glucose I.V. If everyone who stopped eating out of protest were let out of jail, everyone could get out by this precedent.

Yes, I realize she's a 'non-violent offender;' but the non-violence of her offense was luck and the late hour, because nobody was around for her to crash her car into. She was driving drunk and she could have killed someone. It happens all the time. Far too often. She broke the law and she deserves to pay the price. I know plenty of people who have gotten DUIs; some of them still haven't been able to get their driver's licenses back, and they actually have to work for a living.

I read this in the CNN story today:

The decision by Sheriff Lee Baca to move Hilton chafed prosecutors and Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer, who spelled out during sentencing that Hilton was not allowed to serve house detention.

That was a good move--after all, I'm sure Paris lives in a multi-million dollar paradise. This isn't like Cherish, she doesn't have to be cooped up in a tiny apartment with a TV and the pidgeons for company. I have heard that she was also, as part of her 'house arrest,' able to work--'work,' for Paris Hilton, consists of going to parties because people pay her. I hope to Christ that I just heard incorrectly.

Look, I'm a working-class Jane, and yes, part of me does resent Paris's lifestyle. Not necessarily because of money envy (there's a certain part of me that will never pay more than $60 for a pair of shoes, ever), but because she flaunts her wealth and acts like she is above the law. She may be a rich, young, American heiress, but she's not--and will never be--above the law.

Paris needs to go back to jail and serve her time like an American. Then the American public will prevail over the ridiculous, non-newsworthy, self-destructive behavior that we are forced to watch without end. And hopefully, Paris will learn a lesson before she kills someone--herself or someone else.